First Lady’s Afrikana Family Humanism Programme brings families together

Tendai Rupapa in BIKITA

THE atmosphere was filled with laughter and heartfelt teachings when First Lady Dr Auxillia Mnangagwa met thousands of men and women from Masvingo province.

Her mission was to mend broken hearts and foster peaceful, dignified family lives through honest, open dialogue.

In the spirit of Christmas, Dr Mnangagwa handed out food hampers, toiletries and blankets to the elderly and traditional chiefs, making sure everyone present received a Christmas gift.

Every attendee went home with goodies, courtesy of the First Lady.

At Mangondo Secondary School, she joined schoolchildren in planting a variety of fruit trees to create a thriving orchard, an effort symbolising growth and renewal.

In a particularly emotional moment, the First Lady fought back tears as she listened to testimonies from women who felt compelled to resort to revenge cheating due to strained relationships.

The gathering was part of Dr Mnangagwa’s Afrikana Family Humanism Programme, which was launched in response to rising divorce rates often caused by infidelity among men and women.

The programme, which began in the Midlands province and later expanded to Manicaland, made Masvingo its third stop.

Through this initiative, Dr Mnangagwa aims to tackle the root causes of family conflicts and encourage positive relationships.

Women from the three provinces are singing from the same hymn, saying they have had enough from their spouses and are now resorting to revenge cheating since “shiri yakabvuta rhekeni”.

As she taught the women, Amai Mnangagwa helped establish peace in a polygamous union where a man had left his first wife wallowing in poverty as he hung on to his girlfriend, who is even expecting a child.

The women were constantly fighting and trading insults. After the First Lady counselled the women and their husbands, it was all hugs and smiles in the end.

Herself firmly grounded in African traditional norms and values, the First Lady said revenge cheating was not a solution to marital problems and women needed to occupy their rightful places in the home.

Amai Mnangagwa met the women separately while men met on their own before she addressed a combined session as she sought to foster peace, love and harmony in homes.

“I have come focusing on you as a mother and as a woman, asking how the family is faring, how the husband who married you is and how the children are? If God took away your spouse, are you looking after the family left behind or you have nowhere to start from? Do you still have the good manners you came with when you got married or you are out to be felt by the in-laws kuti vanondiguta mumusha imomo?” she said.

“How are you getting along with your in-laws? You mothers-in-law, how are you getting along with the daughters-in-law? Did you sit down with her when she arrived, telling her the laws of your homestead to avoid future problems? You, daughter-in-law, are you wearing dignified clothes or you are the type that goes around in bum shorts and miniskirts?

“How are you getting along with your husband Bernard, or it’s now a dog-eat-dog affair? Is marriage tough with Bernard? How are you finding it? What are his parents saying about his deeds? Are they supporting him or are they siding with you as a daughter-in-law?

“Now, if the going is now tough, how do we proceed? Do you go back to your people? What about the children? Do you think about them before you pack your bag? Today we have come to dissect all these issues as we mould one another because I have come to build women. I know one of us here is dejected because her husband Richard did not show up last night. To those who are snatching other people’s husbands, why are you doing this? I have come to talk to you as women so that we leave bad manners. I have come to strengthen you as a woman that you are the one in the home.

“Leave women of easy virtue who are out there. Women are the ones who are saying men must now fast for their homes. You are saying I am also beautiful and the bird has wrested the catapult as you are saying now. You are threatening to be promiscuous at his home because you are tired of being cheated on. Leave cheating because you bring forth children who are not of your husbands. Do not revenge evil with evil because it is not good to revenge.

“Stand in your rightful positions and do not look back because someone will be looking at you. Women, let us tell each other the truth without mincing words: Whenever you do bad, someone will be watching you. I have come so that we discuss as women and seek a way forward.”

Reverend Nelly Gwatidzo warned women against competing with men in doing bad, saying cheating was the root cause of many challenges.

“Our mother is saying do not compete with men, but, as a woman, stand in your rightful position. What is it that is making men cheat? As women, are we playing our roles in the homes? Are we respecting our husbands or you no longer know their totems as you respect other men out there? Women, you are saying the hunted is now the hunter, but in the end, the bird will die; shiri yacho yabvuta rhekeni inozongofa. You may cheat in enjoyment, but what will become of you when you are caught? You are saying the husband is doing that and I can also do that, but two wrongs don’t make a right. Our mother is saying let us leave this behaviour of sharing your family secrets with neighbours. Let us value our marriages and live in peace without violence. Amai is also warning against uttering bad things about our spouses to the children. What will you be teaching them,” she said.

Zimbabwe Prisons and Correctional Service Chaplain Christine Phiri emphasised the need for women to be steadfast and committed to preserving their marriages.

“Our mother wants women who are like guerillas that resist the temptation to leave the home; magandanga anoti pano handibve. In most cases, if you leave marriage and become a return soldier, you are the problem. As I stand before you right now, I am a return soldier because I was a problem. At times, all stems from the way you were received at the homestead.

“When married, do we accept our husbands’ families wholeheartedly? When I got married, I bore grudges that aunt so and so did not receive me well, brother-in-law so and so did not receive me well; therefore, I failed to accommodate them as family. The First Lady is saying a woman’s enemy should not be another woman. Mothers-in-law must accept daughters-in-law and treat them just like their own daughters. As a prison officer, the moment I saw that I had not been received well, I took the family as prisoners. I started ruling the whole household, including the husband. I would make them do quick march in that household. I would speak daggers without measuring who I was speaking to. These are some of the reasons I was sent packing,” she said, before singing the song “Zvinoda kutaura nehunyoro”.

“One other thing that worked against me was going after my husband’s mistresses. I would trail them. I would also follow him to the beerhall, fancying myself a die-hard. Our mother is saying that should never be done. Even when stressed, pray, bath and be smart and find something to do with your hands. Empower yourself and check as to whether the one who ran away from you will not be puzzled when they see you,” she said to applause.

The First Lady then invited the women to highlight some of the challenges they were facing in their marriages with a view to proffering workable solutions to them.

“It is now time to share challenges that are troubling your hearts so that we teach and mould one another and leave this place with an agreement and come up with projects. I have come to give you valuable lessons. Everyone here is an aunt, a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law. Let us discuss,” she said.

With pain written all over her face, a woman pitifully narrated how she lost her husband to a mother of three.

She said her husband left home to live with the lover at his parents’ house.

Their matrimonial home was destroyed by recent strong winds, and she had to perform menial tasks for other people to raise money for building materials.

After this, she said her husband is preventing her from rebuilding the home because the stand is his.

He is actually ordering her to leave.

She said she had accepted to be in a polygamous union but the husband’s girlfriend wanted her out at all costs.

The woman said the second wife, who is expecting, was also present at the programme, whereupon the First Lady sought to find peace between the parties.

The second wife initially attempted to blame the first wife, saying she was the reason she was being rejected.

She, however, later shifted her position after strong counselling from the mother of the nation.

Following a heated argument, teachings and counselling, Dr Mnangagwa later asked the second wife to ask for forgiveness, which she did, and the offended co-wife accepted the apology.

When asked to say what was on her heart, the first wife said it was clear a polygamous union had formed and all she wanted was for them to live in peace and for the husband to build his new flame a home away from her.

She also wanted the two to share the man.

Amai then asked the police Victim Friendly Unit to further handle the matter so that the trio lives in peace.

The younger wife also knelt and asked for forgiveness from all the elderly women present.

Another woman rose from the floor and praised the First Lady for her life-transforming teachings.

“Amai, I am grateful for your teachings. I lost morals owing to lack of knowledge. My husband would deny me conjugal rights and I would envy people kissing in movies. I then met a certain man at the grinding mill who proposed love to me and I accepted. This man treated me well, giving me real love until I was caught by my husband and sent packing. Dai ndakaona dzidziso yamatipa iyi nguva yacho, dai ndichirimo mumba mangu,” she said.

Similar sentiments were echoed by yet another respondent, who said women were suffering at the hands of men.

“True, our husbands are stressing us because of promiscuity, leaving us with no choice but to follow suit. I am a cross-border trader and now I am madly in love with a long-distance bus driver. I won’t leave my marriage even when caught, because he also cheats,” she said.

One of the women drew laughter when she identified herself as a married-cum-widow.

“I am a married-cum-widow who has a husband but live as though I do not have a husband in the home. He is never around and all he does is to impregnate me without any iota of love in the home,” she said.

One of the women said: “I made love with a man behind the butchery counter in a bid to fix my husband. I just want to advise you men to constantly say I love you to your wives. If you don’t do that, we will find other lovers, and we will make love anywhere, anyhow and at any time, even behind a butchery counter.”

The gathering became livelier when one woman decided to speak on behalf of girlfriends, saying: “I am representing side chicks. Amai, we are snatching their husbands because they cannot treat them well. If that man proposes love to me, I handle him like an egg and correct all the mistakes that his wife will be making. We, as side chicks, actually take over if you do not bath. We will actually be in competition. I have my own child, but that man will never treat me as an offlayer because I am like a sweet 16 to him. You married women must treasure your marriages because we are waiting to pounce.”

Another discussant said the hunter has become the hunted.

“Shiri yakabvuta rhekeni and married women are cheating as a form of revenge. A secret love affair is sweet.”

One of the women shared how her husband would bring lovers home and force her to sleep on the floor.

Yet another woman thanked the First Lady for her teachings, saying she was on the verge of taking the self-destructive path.

She implored her married peers to shun prostitution and to be content with what they have in the home.

A discussant said she married twice but the unions collapsed until she joined the world’s oldest profession.

She said she has broken countless homes but was not proud of that.

She only left bad deeds after contracting HIV and was now using her hands to look after herself and children.

She urged other women of easy virtue to leave prostitution.

The First Lady weighed in, saying the women had spoken of thorny issues affecting them, which were touching and full of lessons.

“We have shared sore issues and moulded one another. Some gave touching testimonies that are educative. As a mother, I was pained by all the issues that came out here. May God be merciful on us and enter the hearts of husbands who are troubling women. But there are some circumstances that bid on you to leave than stay to be maimed and killed. She implored people to make use of her 575 toll-free line and report GBV (gender-based violence) cases,” she said.

The First Lady invited her 575 toll-free line agents to share some of the common challenges they were receiving on the line.

During their discussions, men also highlighted their concerns.

Mr Jefta Jaricha touched on the need for men to accompany their wives to places like churches, gatherings and other events.

“That alone helps men to give respect and understand things women do. We leave our wives alone and vulnerable to other men. We should have more time with our wives as this helps to improve the relationship,” he said.

Mr Amos Zvinoitavamwe, a newly married man, said it was essential to show love to one’s spouse at all times and have good communication.

“Many of us young men in marriage drink excessively and sleep in beerhalls. At times we go home drunk and that alone is affecting our marriages,” he said.

He blamed drugs for poor performance in bed.

“Many of us fail to provide for our wives because of using the remuneration we get from our labour in alcohol and drugs,” he said in jest.

Men said communication, patience, understanding their wives and not comparing them with other women were also crucial.

Chief Ziki said diseases like diabetes affected sexual performance and implored men to be checked for diseases and get treated to foster happiness in the home.

Minister of State for Masvingo Provincial Affairs and Devolution Ezra Chadzamira praised the First Lady for her hard work and teachings.

“Since independence in 1980, we never had a First Lady who works like our mother, Amai Mnangagwa. She moves with teachings and developmental projects, especially for women. We have learnt through her programme today because she promotes peace and love in homes,” he said.

Among the resolutions made was the need to enhance communication.

While wrongdoing was common, parties agreed to ask for forgiveness, shun promiscuity and prevent relatives from getting involved in people’s marital issues.

Both men and women were asked to work together and have time to counsel children, as well as for couples to be content, shun gender-based violence and uphold their marriage vows.

The First Lady later addressed a combined session of men and women, urging them to live in harmony.

“I am happy to be with you here in Bikita with this thorny issue, which I started in the Midlands before I took it to Manicaland. My office is inundated with calls and letters to the effect that men and women are not living peacefully in the homes. From the Gota/Nhanga/Ixhiba sessions, children confided in me that parents were forcing them into drugs and other forms of naughtiness because of their behaviour. They are saying their mothers are coming home drunk, wearing miniskirts and in the company of other men. Women are also calling on the 575 toll-free line saying they are tired of fasting for their homes. They are saying the bird has wrested the catapult and we shall cheat while at the men’s homes. I got frightened and sought to find the root cause of this. That is why I came forward so that we discuss,” she said.

“We have our own way of life as Zimbabweans, which was started by our forebearers. Chiefs, listen to the strange happenings that are taking place in your land. It now requires that you gird your loins. Let us return to our cultural norms and values. As a woman, are you in your rightful place? Respect yourself. Respect your body. Do things that give you a good name and do not remove clothes for all and sundry. If you do that, you shame all women in this land. Children are moulded and counselled in families. The way we walk shows us what is at the home.

“Children no longer have anyone to look after them and are restraining themselves. Restrain them and do not let them fornicate, smoke, ditch school or impregnate young girls. Children must be counselled because should they get out to learn elsewhere, they tarnish the image of the family and the country. In Masvingo, you gave me Chambuta, now called Dr Auxillia Mnangagwa Children’s Home, so through perseverance and hard work, those children whom I took off the streets were invited to Russia because they accepted to be counselled. Ten children from Dr Auxillia Mnangagwa Children’s Home were given scholarships to study in Russia because they excelled in their studies.”

After her speech, Amai called a few men and women to share what they discussed in separate sessions.

Pastor Joshua Moyondizvo, who represented men, said they raised the issue that once married, women shunned bathing and denied their husbands conjugal rights.

Men accused women of cheating and taking ill-advice from friends to denigrate their husbands. Some women, he said, were domineering.

Men decried the wave of skin bleaching among women.

He said some men were being physically assaulted in homes but lacked the courage to report domestic violence to the police.

However, men promised to correct all the ills pointed out, like promiscuity, and implored women to do the same.

On the other hand, women admitted that they were cheating but had stopped following the teachings.

They told Amai that they had gone astray and asked for forgiveness.

The two women who were earlier counselled by the First Lady later came back with their husband and thanked her for establishing peace in their home.

The husband, Admire Moyondizvo, took the gentlemen’s approach and thanked the First Lady for her intervention.

“Mhamha, I am sorry for what transpired. Shame is worse than death and when I was called and briefed about what happened, I felt so ashamed. These wives of mine, I shall make them get along. There is no one who does not err. We make mistakes but we are corrected, and I go back to our cultural norms and values that we forgive one another. I love them both and they should forgive me where I wronged them because as the man at the centre, I am at fault. I thank you, mhamha, and your presence here has taught me a lot; it has opened my eyes to issues that I was blind to. I ask God to intervene and bless my family,” he said.

The first wife who felt offended, Mrs Fadzai Rangarira, equally thanked the First Lady.

“I thank you, Amai, for your visit. You assisted me in the problem that I was facing in my home. I forgive my husband and my co-wife,” she said.

The younger wife, Emily Zvineyi, was remorseful in the end.

“I beg for forgiveness for what I did. I am now praying to God for my co-wife to forgive me so that we live peacefully. Thank you, Amai, for your intervention. You have brought peace among us,” she said.

The women hugged afterwards, and their husband held their hands as they took leave.

People ululated, whistled and clapped hands. –  Sunday Mail