Tendai Rupapa

Parties in marriage must uphold the values of respect, love, peace and dignity to build strong families, First Lady Dr Auxillia Mnangagwa has counselled.

She made the remarks while addressing thousands of people at the launch of her Afrikana Family Humanism Programme in Manicaland, where she spoke out against extra marital affairs, drug and substance abuse, lack of communication among couples and lack of respect, and other issues.

Manicaland was the second province where the programme was launched, after the maiden launch in Gweru, Midlands Province.

Afrikana family humanism looks at the personality of people, Ubuntu/Hunhu and how families live.

Zimbabwe, which is in Africa, has its norms and values which the First Lady is urging people to abide by.

Amai Mnangagwa said she was prompted to launch the programme after learning through her Gota/Nhanga/Ixhiba engagements with children, letters sent through her office and calls from her 575 call centre that there is turmoil in the homes.

Some women said after being subjected to cheating by their husbands, it is now their time to avenge.

That is the case across all provinces as the calls and letters came, hence the First Lady’s decision to intervene.

Yesterday, some women said they had had enough at the hands of cheating spouses and are now revenging.

So charged was the engagement that some elderly women were booed each time they sought to calm down young women. The women argued they wanted to say it all so that their spouses would hear them out.

As part of yesterday’s proceedings, men and women first met separately and came up with their concerns and resolutions after which the First Lady jointly addressed them.

Both men and women described the First Lady’s intervention as long overdue since matters had already come to a head in the homes.

Amai Mnangagwa, together with evangelists and chiefs’ wives, first met the women while traditional chiefs, ministers and headmen discussed with men.

Men argued that women were abusing the equal rights amendment, taking the 50-50 to their homes thereby failing to respect husbands. They felt that their wives needed to be educated on that.

Men added that married women were now cheating the most and had become drunkards. Others paid tribute to the First Lady for launching the programme.

“This programme has helped us Amai. We now humbly request that you come up with men only gatherings where we sit down with chiefs to understand what it means to be a man.

“We need to shun drugs, say no to domestic violence as we promote good communication in our homes. We must also pay lobola for our wives and not co-habit with them for years. This way Amai, maybe there will be peace and love in our marriages,” the men said.

Some men let the cat out of the bag saying women should be taught hygiene as men often left homes that were unkempt.

“We are running away from the dirty. The maid does everything, even cleaning our bedroom. That is why we end up taking the house helpers,” they said.

Women put their foot down saying men must shun illicit brews that are making them impotent, show their wives respect and improve on communication.

“Love must be there among couples with unlimited conjugal rights and as women we will be submissive. We are no longer being submissive because these men are having affairs with Ana Georgina and this pains us,” they said.

While addressing the women, the First Lady started by explaining how she conceived the idea to launch the educative programme.

“Women are saying we no longer want to fold our hands because our time has come. I then looked at the country’s 10 provinces and discovered that the challenges are the same as indicated by the information reaching my office.

“Women are saying when will the time come so that we can tell men what is in our hearts. We now have stress because of so and so’s child and some of us had no such challenges before.

“Women are also saying we have prayed for our marriages to be stable, but men are forcing us to do wrong things. They think it’s time for men to also pray and fast for their marriages. These are the contents of letters and phone calls I was getting. Madzimai ati they want to go out, going where? Are they leaving the marriages completely?

“Are they going out and coming back? Where is it that they are going? What will they be doing? They say they want revenge. When men cheat, they do so and come back home and are women saying they want to cheat and come back home? I then fail to understand that which they will be saying. They said as of now, they have the catapult, the bird has taken over the catapult. Manicaland are you the ones with the catapult?” she asked, to which the woman said “yes Amai, pfuti yakabvuta rekeni.”

The First Lady said men were discussing on their own since they also had a gripe with women.

“As all this is happening, the children are watching. What are they learning from us as parents who should be role models? As a mother, I am saying now that you met this situation in the home, should we say an eye for an eye.

“This is so frightening as it has never happened before that married women openly discuss cheating. I saw it fit to come and understand that which has made you think like that so that we get to the crux of the matter. There is a way of fixing our marriages but not cheating madzimai. Let us discuss,” she said

Evangelist Nelly Gwatidzo implored women to respect the institution of marriage.

“Amai is saying Betty when you left your parents’ home to be married, did you know what you were getting into and what marriage entails. She is saying if you said ‘till death do us part’ why are you changing the vows?

“If you said you want marriage, what are you doing outside your marriage? Amai is saying be content with what is in your home and do not cheat. Why are you competing with your husband because it won’t work because the man is the head of the household?

“When you got married, where had you met because that background is important since where you came from says a lot especially if you were met in a bar. Our mother is saying women please take your rightful positions sana mai. Let us live in love and harmony as we raise our children in the correct way,” she said.

Zimbabwe Prisons and Correctional Services Chaplain, Christine Phiri, said women must be strong and persevere to sustain their marriages.

“Our mother is saying a home needs strong willed women to hold. It requires women who say ‘till death do us part’ and not someone who always has a packed bag threatening to go.

“Going where, leaving a marriage that you worked for and fasted for so many years? Marriage does not need someone who gives up easily, but communication,” she said and burst into the song “This time haulume”.

“A home is not smooth sailing, marriage has obstacles but you fight them peacefully. What about the smartness of your youth, where did this go? Let us bath the way we did before marriage and not give men a reason to cheat.

“Amai is asking what you are fighting for in the home. I personally quit marriage after seeing a lot. I got to the extent of saying I can’t be beaten while idle and started taking him up measure for measure. That was the end.

“As women we also have problems that we are contributing towards men’s naughtiness. We are not creating an environment for men to want to come home as we always play the song ‘Asvotwa ngaarutse, asvotwa neni ngaarutse’. Will he come back home or will he go where he is welcomed with love,” she said.

The First Lady weighed in saying women must always be dignified.

“The issue we have is stressful. True, you are saying the bird has taken over the catapult, but when caught undressing for a man who is not your husband, what will your future be like? You are saying men are taking you to this and embittering you to this extent, but is cheating the solution? Husbands and wives are killing one another because of promiscuity, is that what we want? Manicaland but what made you come to this and what’s the way forward?” she said.

The question elicited a lot of response.

“Illicit brews being consumed by men are making it difficult for them to give women their conjugal rights. The brews are mostly consumed by newly-married young men and they have killed the spark in them. As a mother-in-law I will not blame my daughter-in-law if she strays from her marriage because wangu mwana anoswera uye orara akaparara netwudoro utwu. The young wife is forced to look for relief elsewhere, hence the marriage breakdowns,” said an elderly woman.

A contributor conceded that revenge was ill-advised.

“True, revenge is bad, but what then shall we do because men are now ignoring us in favour of ama2k who have the temerity to date men of the same ages with their fathers, denying me conjugal rights.

“A man may say I am old at 61, but when I go back to my village, guys whom I grew up with call me by name. They will say hie Maria and I will say John hie and we take it up from there because at home there is no more love and fire,” she said to applause.

Yet another contributor spoke along the same lines.

“We grew up being advised against asking men questions and this got many women dead. Men are bringing diseases home and we are infected quietly. But we are saying that the tables have turned and we won’t die in silence.

“We are also now going out and if we contract Aids and STIs ndizvozvowo and we both take medication. If it means being placed on hypertension drugs so be it, these men should also take hypertension drugs and I am not going back. If we meet at the bar, so be it because we are tired of crying,” she said to laughter.

This dovetailed with the views of another woman who said men betrayed women.

“Mhamha, we love our marriages but men anger us. We get no presents even on our birthdays or Valentine’s Day, all these nice things go to lovers. During weekends we yearn to be taken to leisure spots, but lovers are taken there.

“They do not send even a WhatsApp message unless advising they are on the way. Why not say how was the day, Juliet, my love. What did you cook? When I get a chance I will do as I please because it feels good to be loved,” she said.

A 60-year-old woman blamed herself for the collapse of her marriage.

She said at 45, she was refusing to be intimate with her husband until he would no longer come home, but after hearing about the First Lady’s programme, her husband is back and they are enjoying their conjugal rights.

One of the contributors blamed some churches for making women bottle up even in circumstances where they were abused.

“Some of our churches are suppressing us that even if we are abused we should not report anywhere. I am a pastor’s wife and responsible for counselling couples.

“My husband is abusive and beats me up to the point of knocking off my front teeth, but I was stopped from reporting by the church. While counselling feuding couples, I would be told what to say. I will be in the same predicament, but we are told to suffer in silence.

“My husband has a car but I am only allowed in that car when going to church or month-end when going shopping. I suspect my husband is cheating, I am not allowed in his car yet he is a pastor. Which gospel is he preaching to the people? Amai tiri kushungurudzwa mumachurch dai matombopinda mumachurch mataura nevakuru vemakereke,” she said.

Another woman said her husband told her that he no longer has feelings for her and sees her as his sister.

Raising their concerns and resolutions, men blamed the challenges in families squarely on the shoulders of women.

The women said when they got married, they were well behaved but their husbands forced them to change because of their behaviour.

A youthful husband railed: “Women changed us. We are finding solace in ‘side chicks’ because our wives talk too much yet the house will be dirty as they spend time gossiping. When coming from work, she would not have cooked while playing on social media. How will I not cheat in favour of someone who would have cooked?”

An old man triggered laughter when he said he too expected a sweet message from his wife.

“Women are complaining that we have no love and do not send them sweet messages. If you try to be nice and send a sweet message, you will be asked as to whether the message is not lost. She will say what is the problem? We don’t know what these women want,” he said.

Another male contributor went ballistic.

“We have resolved as men, especially us the elderly who have knowledge of natural herbs in the forests to transfer the knowledge to the younger generation so that they know herbs that enhance virility so that women do not cry foul,” he said.

Women had their resolutions.

They urged their husbands to value communication in the home, to respect them, love them, to forgive and appreciate their wives.

In separate discussions for men, Police superintendent Nyamuzinga of Rusape touched on the effects of drug abuse.

He said drugs were addictive, pushed one into crime and had a host of negative consequences like poor family upkeep, poor sexual performance, therefore he urged men to desist from substance abuse and focus on family upkeep and love their wives.

Drugs, he said, were a major cause of domestic violence.

A traditional chief urged young men in marriages to regularly visit his court for counselling, to get assistance on matters that affect marriage.

“Strengthening one’s back is a traditional way used by elders to keep fire in marriages, there are traditional herbs which people ignore that can help to boost them,” he said.

“Marriages should be founded on the basis of our traditional values against the western ideologies, if we respect our tradition the future is bright,” one man said.

The First Lady later addressed a joint session for both men and women, enjoining them to respect one another.

“I thought of the Afrikana family humanism looking at the personality of families, how we live. We are Africans. Our country is called Zimbabwe and it is in the African continent. In our communities there are challenges which foul our norms and values as children of this nation.

“The biggest challenge we have concerns our homes. Men and women are not getting along well. Most marriages have collapsed and people are saying that women are at the forefront of destroying their homes. I analysed and identified that there are things that mould us as Zimbabweans in Africa. These are the issues we are gathered for here. As Zimbabweans, we have our history and way of doing things that we must attach importance to.

“The challenge that we have is that we are throwing away our identity. We are rejecting where we come from and who we are. How we are living is not in our way of life. We are like a people without roots and a border who have nothing to follow. This is affecting our families.

“As parents we must lay foundations that our children must follow as they look at how we do things. Some children said their mothers are coming back home drunk and dropped by boyfriends while they watched. This is not good,” she said.

In conclusion, the mother of the nation implored partners to respect one another.

“Respect one another; both sides. In the presence of children, select the topics you discuss. Do not set children against their father because you have an upper hand. As a mother, be dignified with good manners and who dresses well. Be smart. As a mother you define the home. Cheating is not encouraged. Let us live peacefully as parents because our children look up to us. Drugs are a menace among our children,” she said.

Amai Mnangagwa said problems are resolved through love, calmness and humility.

Earlier, Minister of State for Manicaland Provincial Affairs and Devolution, Advocate Misheck Mugadza, said he felt humbled to welcome the First Lady in the province.

“I feel humbled and greatly honoured to officially welcome you our guest of honour the First Lady of the Republic of Zimbabwe Dr Auxillia Mnangagwa for the commemoration of the Afrikana Family Humanism Programme here in Makoni District, Manicaland.

“Today is a special day for the province as you have once again brought a noble programme that is earmarked to promote the African family unit. As we commemorate this day Amai let me hasten to say that Manicaland Province has fully embraced your programmes as demonstrated by the high turnout today,” he said.

Information, Publicity and Broadcasting Services Minister, Dr Jenfan Muswere, praised the First Lady for her many interventions and said the greatest she had done was that of ensuring that the nation is built by its citizens.

“The works that Amai has undertaken are difficult to chronicle fully because she has done a lot. Our mother has come up with a development programme for the nation ensuring that no person or place is left behind.

“She is a champion who has dedicated her life, committed her time and resources to uplift the most marginalised and vulnerable members of society thereby making sure that the cultural renaissance programme becomes a success story.

“Our mother has championed various economic empowerment initiatives. She has also championed various social Afrikana family concepts to us which also includes the Nhanga/Gota/Ixhiba initiative in order to rebuild the cultural fabric that has been missing in our people. She has reintroduced morality to our people, brought dignity and respect amongst our people. She is a unifier, an economic empowerment icon focusing primarily on empowering widows, orphans, the vulnerable,” he said.

The mother of the nation brought an assortment of groceries which were fairly distributed to the people from all districts. – Herald