Mash West embraces First Lady’s Afrikana Family Humanism programme…

Tendai Rupapa

Had the First Lady Dr Auxillia Mnangagwa not initiated her Afrikana Family Humanism programme, things would have continued to go haywire in marriages.

Afrikana family humanism looks at the personality of people, Ubuntu/Hunhu and how families live.

Zimbabwe, which is in Africa, has its norms and values, which the First Lady is urging people to abide by.

In the olden days, it was unheard of that a married woman or man would publicly boast having extra-marital affairs as is the case these days.

So unconcerned about their dignity have some people become that even when married, they bring their lovers home in the presence of their children.

Promiscuity or engaging in casual intimacy with multiple partners can have various effects on an individual’s physical, emotional and social well-being.

In most cases, it is the children that suffer the most.

This made the First Lady put her foot down and direct the nation back to the country’s cultural norms and values with in-built mechanisms to promote love and curb promiscuity among other ills tearing families apart.

The results from the programme so far suggest that it was necessary and overdue.

It is addressing a significant gap in marriages and its implementation has had a positive impact, which is bringing families together.

Amai Mnangagwa, with the help of marriage counsellors, is giving the couples therapy that can help them work through their issues, rebuild trust, and strengthen their marriages.

Dr Mnangagwa rallied women to be exemplary, reminding them of the huge responsibility that God entrusted them with.

The mother of the nation is saying women were created to be caregivers, imploring them to take good care of their families.

She is also saying women need to live dignified lives and to be good stewards of what God entrusted them with.

Yesterday, the mother of the nation took the programme to Mashonaland West Province becoming the fourth province to benefit from the educative programme.

In the spirit of giving, ahead of the festive season, Amai Mnangagwa handed food hampers, toiletries to the elderly and traditional chiefs.

She also donated rice to communities, clinics and schools.

She availed the early Christmas treat through her Angel of Hope Foundation which continues to play a pivotal role in lending a hand to vulnerable groups.

Dr Mnangagwa does not give them once a year, but she moves with them in life.

In her quest to find tangible solutions to issues affecting families, Amai Mnangagwa separated men from women for initial discussions before addressing the combined group later.

She said her toll-free line, 575, to fight gender-based violence is always inundated with calls of couples ill-treating one another due to various reasons, which include infidelity, lack of respect, conjugal rights and lack of communication in the home.

“Madzimai I have come to talk to you. I have come so that we have our own ‘court’ as women, while men do the same on their own. As mothers, in everything we do, we should lead by example and be role models to our children and in our communities nekuti sana mai we have a lot on our shoulders hence we should lead dignified lives,” she said.

She expressed dismay that couples nowadays seemed to find solace in cheating and revenge cheating, ills that often led children of the warring parties to find solace in drug and substance abuse and child marriages.

“Before I came here, I had taken this programme to three other provinces and in all those provinces, men and women were trading accusations on infidelity. Women were saying the bird has taken over the catapult adding that they would not stop cheating until men reform. They said they were doing this as a way of revenge.

“One of the women said men should know that we can also cheat anywhere, anyhow and anytime. Vamwe ndivo varikuti Amai tiregererei nekuti tirikuzviita asi tadzidza takusiya. So madzimai, what is it that is troubling you in your marriages forcing you to cheat. Kuno kuMashonaland West zviriko here. But is revenging cheating the solution. Let us discuss and let’s be open so that we correct each other’s mistakes. We want to mould one another semadzimai,” she said.

One of the women admitted to cheating saying they felt they had been taken advantage of by their husbands for a long time.

The women accused their husbands of neglecting and disrespecting them, and not providing for the family.

“Amai it is true that married women tirikuita ‘zvemujolo’. These men have been taking advantage of us for a long time. They spend even a week away from home enjoying with their ‘small houses’. They leave me home with the children without food. When he comes back, he doesn’t want to be questioned, if you do so, blows will rain on your face.

“Amai we grow tobacco and my husband after the sales, steals the money and takes it to his girlfriends. Varume vedu imbavha idzi. Following all these, he leaves me with no option, but to also look for a boyfriend who will look after me and the children. Amai rekeni ndirikutoibvuta ndirimo mumba make imomo. Hatisi kudzora tsvimbo,” she said.

Another woman said it was the same story for most married women in Mashonaland West.

“Amai our story is the same. We are tired of these men but we will not leave them. We will have boyfriends in their face but they will never catch us.

“Our children have become orphans while their parents are still alive. e no longer have time for them because ave mazvake mazvake mumba imomo. The funny thing is these men don’t allow us to wear trousers but surprisingly they go after girls who wear short dresses and trousers.

So it is now 50-50 in my marriage, I am now wearing what I want and men are now following me the same way he is following other women. Vazukuru vaAdam ava tatambura navo. Now that the bird has taken the catapult, what are they going to do. Amai, zvakuvava nekuti zvavakwa sauti. Pavanozviita ivo zvinotapira tsvimbo hatisi kudzora kusvika vati eke,” she said.

A further contributor said her husband made her a guerilla and no longer fear anything.

“Amai when he married me, he would respect me and calling me sweet names. But it is now a thing of the past, he actually mocks me in front of our children.

“I decided to date our neighbour in revenge, but I later told myself that two wrongs do not make a right and stopped. I love my husband and I will wait for him till he comes back to his senses and sees me as his wife. I am not going anywhere, he will find me here,”she said.

In her closing remarks with women, Dr Mnangagwa said cheating was never a solution.

“Madzimai gumbo mumba gumbo panze ndiwe unofa ukasiya vana. You will also lose your dignity. Revenge cheating is never a solution and saAmai I am saying madzimai, let’s go back to our traditional norms and values and be dignified women.

“How do you feel after removing clothes for a man who is not your husband? What are you teaching your children when they see you changing boyfriends every day? Vasikana in everything we do, let us put God first.

“Let us tell God all that is troubling us and shun cheating. God will mend your broken heart and restore your marriage spark. Be faithful and live longer because the moment you become promiscuous, you will invite zvirwere leading to death.

“Our children are resorting to drugs because there is no one to guide them yangove pota neko tisangane. Vasikana kubva nhasi ngatichere kakomba tisiye mabasa erima, zvakaitika zvakaitika asi ngatichitarise mberi,” she said.

Men on the other hand, accused their wives of driving them away from home.

They said there were many factors that force them to cheat on their wives.

“Amai our wives deny us conjugal rights opting to sleep in our children’s bedroom. What do they expect us to do? They also turn the bedroom into a crimes court. This is not right, we must have good communication in our home,” said one of the men.

Yet another contributor said women must apologise whenever they are wrong and not resort to insults.

“These women do not even respect our mothers calling them witches. How can I stay with a woman who insults my mother, where are her manners.

“We know that a good woman must be submissive and shun domestic violence but varoora venyu ava amai itori simuka tiyenzane mumba imomo. They start violence in the home and are quick to report to the police as victims,” he said.

One of them accused their wives of delegating certain duties that should not be assigned to housemaids.

“Our wives must clean their own bedrooms. Some women make maids wash their husbands’ undergarments. Whenever a man enters the bedroom he starts being quizzed about useless things that happened in the past. A bedroom is not a courtroom,” he said.

Men added that married women were now cheating the most and had become drunkards.

They paid tribute to the First Lady for launching the programme.

“We need to shun drugs, say no to domestic violence and infidelity as we promote good communication in our homes. We must also pay lobola for our wives and not co-habit with them for years. This way Amai, maybe there will be peace and love in our marriages,” the men said.

Zimbabwe Prisons and Correctional Services Chaplain, Christine Phiri, implored men to be responsible heads of families.

“There are women from different age groups here and for elderly women courtship used to take even two years. For middle-aged women, it took even a year, while for the younger generation, it’s now taking 6 months or less.

“So women are now wondering why they are encountering numerous problems in their marriages. They have lot of questions to what happened to the love that was there at the beginning. Women are bemoaning promiscuity from their husbands and Amai is asking who is snatching other people’s husbands.

On the other hand, some relatives are contributing to marriage breakdowns by interfering in people’s marital issues. Amai, some women are bitter because their husbands only take care of their parents only, not bearing in mind that I also have parents who need to be taken care of.

“As women, we end up stealing from our husbands so that we also meet the needs of our parents. Those who can’t steal from their husbands end up engaging in extra marital affairs in a bid to earn money to take care of their parents.

“Amai, the women are saying extra marital affairs are more exciting than their marriages. Marriages have turned into lion den. I came out of my marriage after I had gone through the most.

“Some men no longer perform their conjugal rights. Thank you Amai for this programme which has given us a platform to pour our hearts out,” she said.

Reverend Nelly Gwatidzo hammered on the need for women to be content with their spouses.

“As women we should be vigilant. A clever woman listens to Amai’s wise counsel. Amai is urging us to go back to the old and traditional ways, which were key in keeping marriages.

“Amai is also rallying us women to be hygienic at all times, to raise our children in good ways.

“She is saying let’s respect our husbands. Amai is also rallying us women to lead exemplary lives and to earn a living through dignified means. She is also saying promiscuity results in diseases and even death. She is urging us women to use our hands to work for our children,” she said.

The First Lady later addressed a joint session for both men and women, enjoining them to respect and love one another.

“I have come with this programme because I have seen that in families and communities there are challenges which foul our norms and values as children of this nation.

“The children are saying there is no peace in their homes as parents are always fighting and trading accusations. As parents we must lay foundations that our children must follow as they look at how we do things. Some children said their mothers are coming back home drunk and dropped by boyfriends while they watched. This is not good,” she said.

“Ndakafamba mamwe maprovinces ndikanzwa ana baba nana mai vachiti kuvimbana mumba hamusisina nenyaya yegumbo mumba gumbo panze. Ndikavhunza kuti ndiyani arikudaro vana mai vakati ana baba ndivo vakatanga isu tikazotedzerawo.

“This is the fourth province I have visited with this programme and women are singing the same tune. Ini saAmai ndikati kwete hanzvinzwarwo, two wrongs don’t make a right. There must be peace and love in homes.

“I told women to respect their bodies and our country’s traditional norms and values. I am happy women took the teachings to heart and promised to quit extra marital affairs and be content with their husbands.

“Men also promised to change, love their wives and look after their families well. As men and women, let us play our homes and help each other in building our families.”

Mashonaland West Minister of State for Provincial Affairs and Devolution, Marian Chombo, thanked Amai Mnangagwa for the noble initiative.

Chief Ngezi also took time to thank the First Lady for the programme which he said was timely. – Herald